


The Dragon and the Lion

by frogsandrosbifs



Series: The Dragon's Queen [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, it hurts but in a good way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 11:42:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1265242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogsandrosbifs/pseuds/frogsandrosbifs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When she marries Rhaegar, Cersei thinks she can keep both him and Jaime. But soon, she has to face it, she cannot love them both ; and when Jaime leaves, she has to grieve him. </p><p>
  <i>She always looks where her brother used to stand. Sometimes she even seems to be sad when looking at herself in the mirror.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dragon and the Lion

She is in love ; she thinks so. She loves her King — but she also, no matter what, still loves her brother.

They barely have time to meet anymore, but she looks for him everywhere, and when she does not she feels his look on her and Rhaegar. 

It’s longing — it’s painful — it’s jealous.

Cersei does not want to want him but it seems she cannot help it. They still made love at first, but she feels guilty no matter how much she tells herself that they are the same person and they need it ; she is terrified of having bastards. It is not like they ever have time together anymore.

Rhaegar is everything she ever wanted. He gives her everything ; his love, his respect, a place to be herself. He is beautiful — he is good to her and she wants to be good to him and make him happy.

But Jaime — Jaime is what she was, Jaime is her. Jaime is rushed kisses in the dark when nobody is looking, Jaime is the one who held her since they were children, Jaime is the one who understands her with a simple look, Jaime is her security, he’s her first love and he’s her and he’s her knight. Jaime is everything, but they cannot have each other.

They fight one night. He cannot be second best, he cannot look at her and Rhaegar. He longs for her, he still loves her. She still loves him too but she cannot do anything and they both suffer for it. Jaime is starting to hate Rhaegar — and they argue all night about what to do, because he wants her and he also wants to leave her — it is too painful, all of it — and she does not want him to. It is selfish but no matter what, she wants him near her.

He kisses her good bye. It is bittersweet and full of tears and she almost can hear their voices from when they were children.   _Always together._

When she comes back to Rhaegar she can still feel the taste of his lips on her. She does not say a word to him for the rest of the day, and on the morning Jaime is gone on a mission far away from King’s Landing.

___

She says nothing, shows nothing ; and if she looks fine and happy during the day, sometimes Rhaegar catches her looking away or not listening. One day he hears her crying in her sleep, and he worries and holds her.

She says nothing ; cries herself to sleep and refuses to say. He tries to talk to her, get her to tell, but she seems to panic — there is fear in her eyes, he realizes — and shakes her head and clings to him. Rhaegar does not force her. He has never seen her crying before, except of happiness. She looks vulnerable, lost, his Cersei who always acts so strong, his lioness. She looks so young ; almost like a scared little girl.

It is not that hard to connect the dots, anyway, he realizes after observing her. She always looks where her brother used to stand. Sometimes she even seems to be sad when looking at herself in the mirror.

He does not judge, does not make conclusions. He just holds her and dry her tears and hopes for the best, because it pains him to see her this way.

____

She cries and she feels guilty for it. She does not want to show but she needs Rhaegar and always ends up crying into his shoulder. Yet she still cannot say. Never. 

There is a hole in her heart and it is too hard for now. She is scared sometimes, just because Jaime is not standing before her. Yet she looks at her husband and it gives her strength. He is particularly caring — has stopped asking and never ever mentions it during the day. They carry on as always, and at night he soothes her.

He is patient, he is caring and he kisses her tears and she cannot sleep anymore without his arms around her, without breathing his scent. How she loves him, she thinks.

And finally as the days go by her sobbing happens less and less ; and as the days go by she still thinks of her brother but it does not make her want to cry anymore. Oh of course she misses him, but what was a pit of pain is now just an ache.

There was a hole in her heart and Rhaegar has filled it.


End file.
